When it comes to talking with my husband, I’m a little worried. Not because I’m afraid of what he might do but because I’ve been single for a while. And riding solo for a while had taught me a lot about my choices, my attitude and my values.Â it’s also has given me time to think about the things I absolutely want in my husband.
Some are a little unrealistic, some are must-haves and others will probably pop up along the way, but in no particular order, here are the things that IÂ want to but I am too scared to say to by newÂ husband.
I need you…
1. To say — and write — loving things to me a lot.
I’m absolutely in love with words. And especially loving words. Even if it’s as simple as “I love you” on a piece of paper, then please do it. I’ll also settle for a text message (or 20), too.
2. To ask my dad for my hand in marriage.
And my mom, too, while you’re at it. I know it’s old-fashioned but you know what? I don’t care. I know that he’ll say “yes” and though you might have to drive to my town – yes town, not village -Â to ask, just think – my dad would respect you more for it!
3. To be goodÂ at balancing our incomes.
I don’t care if your father is Dangote (Okay, I care small) and I don’t care if your are driving a 2015 Escalade with all the factory fittings. Please understand that although I’m pretty financially secure, I worry about having enough money more than anything else. I save more than the average 20-something, but I have this irrational fear about it all disappearing. I need you to be grounded on the topic and calm me down when I freak out.
4. To give me a lot of space.
I was raised to be strong, dependable and loyal. I’ve always had plenty of alone time and it’s important to me. It’s not you, IÂ love you. Â it’s just that I have to have space to clear my mind. I promise to always come home to you.
5. To have a lot of sex with me.
Oh, and I want a lot of babies, too. I know that gotta-have-you-right-now kind of sex changes the longer you’re in a relationship (and especially when children come into the picture) but I always want to feel physically connected to you. And I want you to always view me as the sexiest woman you’ve ever known. In return, I promise to make an effort, even when I’m absolutely exhausted. I hope you will too.
6. To listen to me overcommunicate about everything.
I tend to ramble when I feel insecure; it’s my way of forcing someone to say something. It’s irrational and emotional and often unnecessary but if I don’t say it, it’ll eat me up inside. This vulnerability is part of the reason why I’m a success, but it’s also a downfall.
7. To accept that I use six different bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
And at least 25 nail polish colors. Oh, and 10 lipsticks. Okay, fine, I don’t need them but one day when I run out mid-shower, do you really want to be the one to run to the store to pick it up for me? Didn’t think so.
8. To tell me I don’t look fat.
I might one day, but when I come out of our bedroom for some special event and you only muster, “Let’s get going,” my feelings will be really hurt. I’ll pay you compliments and I’ll rub your shoulders when you’re stressed, so please do the same for me.
9. To not be embarrassed when I cry in movies.
I’m super-independent, self-sufficient and strong, but dramas get me everytime. Sometimes, even comedies. Just bring the tissues to the theater, ok?
10. To speak your opinion.
I want to be in love with your mind, your heart, what you stand for, what pisses you off, what makes you unique, what makes you turned on — I want to savour everything. So tell me everything. Share your life with me.
11. To plan regular date night.
Even if it’s just in our pyjamas on a Friday night with takeout and a movie. I hear of couples losing the spark and I’m freaked out about losing it. Can we make a pact that we’ll have a date night once a week? I’m cool with pizza and beer and NTA, just as long as we don’t lose each other in our busy lives.
12. To have a mom who likes me.
We don’t have to be besties or drink wine together all the time, but I want her to like me. Especially more than she liked your college girlfriend.
13. To have a passion.
Or five of them. I never want to be anyone’s everything, even yours. I really believe no one can grow in shade and I don’t ever want us to feel suffocated by one another. I will support you in whatever you want to join, play or be part of, but have something you love besides me.
14. To remind me you’re sticking around.
Sorry, you can blame BBM. And WhatsApp. And every pub, club and Point-&-Kill scene from Lagos to Kaduna. I don’t have much faith in the opposite sex.
15. To feel loved.
And adored. My friends nickname me “love” because it’s such a big part of my DNA. And yet in every relationship I’ve had, I haven’t felt loved by the man I was with. Not truly, not fully, and not sincerely. I need to feel love in my bones and see it in your eyes. Why? Because I will love you more than you can imagine, and I need you to feel the same.
By Lindsay Tigar originally for YourTango